Perseverance

per·se·ver·ance (noun)

Definition:
determined continuation with something: steady and continued action or belief, usually over a long period and especially despite difficulties or setbacks

Brooksbank (my Math 311 (Number Theory) professor, who happens to be British; all the engineering girls think he's cute, no idea why I gave that information but get on with it!) just returned our Number Theory exam today and I got a B- on that. I am resigned to getting a B- at the end of the semester, and in fact, I would be very surprised if I got anything higher. Am I disappointed? Not really. I thought I would end up doing worse. It was an insanely hard exam and to be honest, I think he was rather lenient with the marking already. I would have been killed if he had picked on my proofs very strictly. For example, I claimed that the GCD (10, n) = 1 (for you math noobs, GCD (10, n) is the greatest commond divider of 10 and n) just so that I could use Euler's Theorem to make my proof neat. But then, GCD (10,n) was not necessarily 1 and that I could have done the proof through the methods of reduced residue sets, which is one of my weakest areas. My understanding of reduced residues and primitive roots are very shakey. But after the exam, I felt like I understood them more. I had to study them, work on them, over and over again, just trying to prove the stuff that was required of me.

Upon hindsight, I saw myself giving up. The exam was due on Wednesday and on Wednesday morning itself, I woke up at 9 a.m. just to work on it. My classes start at 12 p.m. so I had 3 hours. I turned off my computer, and just sat there and focused really hard. But at 10.45 a.m. I resigned to my fate. I gave up working, turned on my computer, and started procrastinating. I played some computer games, even though I told myself that I already quit. But the essence of the situation was that, I gave up.

BUT, here comes the big BUT, as I reflect upon it, right here, right now, did I regret not working harder? I don't. I think I did my best, and that's the best a man can do. That was my vow to Ern, and I think I should stand true to it. When I looked at the solutions of those problems, there was no way I would have figured those out to that detail. I could never have escaped my fate. I had no regrets. But when I think about it right now, even though I gave up, I persevered. I tried and tried.

per·se·ver·ance (noun)

Definition:
determined continuation with something: steady and continued action or belief, usually over a long period and especially despite difficulties or setbacks

DESPITE DIFFICULTIES AND SETBACKS...