No Restraints... But Regrets?

Now, more than one person has said this to me: "You are so confident about what you think that you do not care about what others feel. You do not give a damn about what other people think about you. How do you expect people to listen to you?"

The first time I heard similar words was from the mouth of my girlfriend. I always thought that we should be ourselves as we should be accepted as being who we are. When I heard that phrase the second time just this morning, I realized that I have never hid who I am. But that was just an excuse for me; an excuse to hide my inability to restrain myself. Why do I always feel that I am so right? Because I am? Well, that's not the important question. Why can't I ever learn to listen to people? Why do I not have the patience to play along? It's not because I do not care about how other people feel. It's actually because I do. The problem with me is that I expect everyone to think like me. I am the kind of person that gets things done. If I have a problem, I find out what I can and cannot do, and I do what I can and leave the rest to fate (another way of saying that I am satisfied with my efforts, especially if I did my best).

Some other people, like to dwell on problems. It is as if they love the misery. But in reality, it's most likely that this is not the case. I apologize for saying what I did to you (you know who you are). However, apologies are always too little too late. I have promised Li Ern never to succumb to my rashness, but I have done it again. But at least this time, it's not towards her. Apparently she approves if I do it against other people. As long as she doesn't have to face my wrath (is it really that scary to hear the truth?)

The cons of knowing someone like me is that you hear things you don't want to hear about yourself. I am a straightforward as I come. No restraints. I used to believe that I have no regrets. Wonders of having a love life. Life-altering experience. Sacrifice, patience, perseverence: it takes more to love someone than to make Powerpuff girls. The only moments in life that can make you happy and sad at the same time. That's when you know you're in love (That's how I tell, I guess).

Anyways, enough about the cheesy stuff. Back to reality. Change is in accord. I have a previous blog regarding promises. The rules of promises. Never make a promise you can't keep. I promised I will change. I promise to keep my promise.

About Teaching How to Fish...

I have been gone for 2 days, well, gone as in, gone from the on-line world. I was away at a chess camp for the Penang State Team. My duty there was to coach the Penang state team in preparation for the coming MSSM. One of the hardest questions that I am asked quite frequently is, what subject matter should you touch on when you coach the elite of the junior chess players in Penang.

Last year, I gave a lecture on "How to plan?". I used Stephen Covey's idea of "Begin with the end in mind" to help the students think of plans during their games. I do not believe in teaching students about where to move, and where you should put your pieces, etc. In short, I do not believe in giving the fish to people. I believe in teaching them how to fish. Hence, by teaching them how to plan, in a way teaches them how to think in chess. Now, instead of just having moves to follow from chess books, the students will be able to formulate plans for themselves. Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish, and he is fed for life.

So this year, in accordance to my believes in improving as a chess player, I decided to talk about "How not to lose a losing game?" What a fascinating topic. One can almost believe that I can perform miracles. I just used a catchy title but my most important point is that even though it is frustrating to play in a losing position, we can try to make it very difficult for the opponent to win. It is more frustrating not being able to win a won game than to play a losing game.

In addition, I also believe that there is more to my teachings than just about chess. I believe that my lessons can also be applied in life. Stephen Covey's idea clearly functions as one of the seven habits of highly successful people. Also, the idea about making it difficult for your opponent to win is a way of overcoming tough situations. Even though we might face tremendous odds, we should still perservere. Even when frustration kicks in, patience will give us a chance to overcome the odds.

So, if you are reading this, you have just learnt 2 important lessons about life. Pay it forward!

Decisions

Decisions are never easy. The more choices we have, the harder it is for us to decide which path we are going to take. This is simply because there is no turning back in life. If there was a "rewind" button to life, we could just pick any choice we want and just rewind to the juncture where me made a decision that led to an undesirable outcome. But it is obvious life's not like that. So here's a dedication to Jerry, who has to make, what is possibly, in many people's eyes, the decision of his life. Cheers, mate. All's well, end's well.

If a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man - Anthony Burgess, "A Clockwork Orange"

Although every man believes that his decisions and resolutions involve the most multifarious factors, in reality they are a mere oscillation between flight and longing - Herman Broch

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter." - Lewis Carroll

When choosing between two evils, always choose the one you haven't tried yet - Mae West

Decisions usually aren't between good and bad, they are between bad and worse, and it's often not clear which choice is worse - Mark Stosberg

May all your decisions be swift and deadly - Shihong :)

There is always more than one way to get to where we want to be. If we miss a turn, just take the next. See you at the top, buddy!

Why Do I... ?

I believe it is safe to assume that any rational human being will at one point or another question him/herself "Why did I do this?" It is only natural that we question our intentions on all conscious acts. I mean we don't ask why do we breathe and ponder over it for hours because we simply have to breathe. But on occasions, we ponder our intentions and wonder if things would turn out differently if we had done something else. Sometimes, we ponder our intentions and wonder if what we are doing, makes sense. By this, I mean, we naturally wonder if what we did has any meaning in it. It's probably synonymous to asking "What is the meaining of life?"

But rather than asking yourself this never-ending question, you can try asking, "Do I like what I am doing?". Does why we do what we do really matter? Why am I so engrossed in such a philosophical matter? Because I am retarded. When I am done with this, you will think I am hilarious.

As some of you might know, I quit Warcraft some time ago and decided to pick up new hobbies. That was the period when I started questioning my own actions. I figured that I should focus on doing what is good for my life and my future. I decided that playing computer games was not good for me and that I should be focussing on straightening my life, studying, doing my resume, focus my energy on getting an internship and hope that I land upon a great job opportunity. Basically, I asked myself, "Why am I playing computer games?" Should I be playing computer games, now that I am close to being 22 already? So I quit Warcraft and all other games.

But recently, I started playing Warcraft again. Is it a bad thing? No, I am not asking you. It's a rhetorical question. When I started playing again, especially AT (Arranged Teams), I felt the adrenaline rush all over again, a feeling I did not have for a long time. AT is all about quick decision-making, fast reactions, and most importantly, the competitive spirit. All teams are motivated by their desire to win, to overcome the opposition, to achieve a sense of victory that is probably lacking in their lives in other areas :) So I am glad I have found the rush again. I have no regrets.

So now you know what my philosophical argument with myself is about. It's just about Warcraft 3. Perhaps it's more than that. Perhaps it's what I have just chosen to do with my life. I have decided to live for the moment, and decided to do what excites me, to do what makes me happy right now, than to focus on what COULD make me happy in the future. Warcraft rules!